kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
