I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
