i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
