Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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