you didnt know i had herpes?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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