oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
