Whatcha textin bout Willis?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
