dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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