my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
