Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You left your phone here
Wait...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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