Tell her she can't have a vagina
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
