When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
