if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
