You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
