but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
