Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
