we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk is not a location!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
