Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
