the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
someone owes me an orgasm
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
