I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
