i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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