I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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