Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
