forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
