He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
