did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
