as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
