9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
