We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
