i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
