no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
