I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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