be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
