Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
