it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
