at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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