I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
