I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
