What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I forget how to act sober
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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