He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
