I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he thought i was a dude.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
