all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
