dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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