3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
