i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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