Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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