Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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