why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
