Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
