So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
