I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
